If you would have told me even four months ago, I’d be spending my 40th birthday quarantined during a global pandemic, I would have laughed; but here we are.

I loved my 30’s. So many beautiful, and painful, life-altering moments happened. We moved from NYC to Florida then Ohio. When we moved to NYC, my plan was to get a (2nd) degree in fashion design at Parsons. Adam had zero desire to live in New York but saw the dream in my heart and cheered me on. Once we lived there for a while, I realized I didn’t want a full time, fast-paced job; I actually wanted to have a family and be a stay-at-home mom. It was such a huge shift in my heart and that one change has guided many things in my life this last decade. I was diagnosed with Hashimotos after countless misdiagnosis’ like anxiety and panic attacks. The early years of this were really hard as we sorted out my symptoms and treatment. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever really be the “old me.” We got pregnant and lost a baby early in the first trimester. This led to a surgery and our doctor telling us we might not ever be able to have babies. We birthed two babies, two years apart, and I was finally staying at home with our family after a couple of hard medical years. Adam got an amazing new job that led to a fulfilling career. We started the adoption process in China. We bought our first house. Adam had a stroke with no underlying health issues. The morning I got the text is forever engraved in my heart. The disbelief and fear as I raced with the kids to the hospital, not sure what I’d find. His following recovery. And the following year. My heart struggled that year after walking through such a surreal event. We said yes to a 2 1/2 year old boy in China that we had only seen in five pictures and three videos. We clung to those tangible things in the months we waited to travel. We boarded a plane, the four of us, that was bound to China. We met Isaiah and became a family of five. We brought him home and found out his heart condition was much more serious than we thought. We watched our newest family member change from an unsure, look-out-for-himself boy to a cherished sibling and son who is so tightly woven into our family and our hearts and showers us in snuggles, love, and kisses. We learned that God can turn broken into beautiful, and redeem a heart from the ashes.

This last decade has had a lot of mountaintops, a lot of valleys, and a lot of sweet, sustaining moments. And this summer, I’ll have been walking with Jesus for HALF OF MY LIFE. The day I surrendered my heart to His overwhelming grace, I remember praying “I can’t hold the broken together anymore.” And I still cannot. But He has proven Himself relentlessly the last twenty years, and decade, of my life. I’ve been overwhelmed by His grace and nearness; and I’ve yelled out in grief, desperate to feel His presence. I’ve submitted to Him willingly; and I’ve submitted to Him through gritting teeth desperately hoping in His goodness. I’ve rejoiced in answered prayers; and I’ve wept bitterly when my prayers seemed ignored. I’ve devoured His word, treasuring every verse in my heart; and I’ve trudged dutifully through scripture as something to check off. But no matter my response, no matter how much I succeeded or failed, He never left me. He has proven His faithfulness in times of fear, His presence in times of grief, and His goodness in all things. And even when I falter and forget to look up, He keeps His gaze on me. Because I am His cherished, His beloved. And when I look back on my 30’s decade, I see His redemption and grace throughout it. I see Him constantly restoring me, taking my heart of ashes and revealing the beauty in my story, in my life. And I can see that in the moments I was most broken, He held me together. In the moments I wept, He was near. In my moments of pure happiness, He rejoiced with me.

I have no idea what my 40’s will bring. I’m sure some of it will be crazy, some of it will be hard, and a lot of it will be beautiful. Our three kids now will become teenagers and we will hopefully add to our family. I’m sure we will end up in a different house. We’d love to buy a boat and begin family vacation traditions. I’d love to do more with my writing and Etsy shop. Adam and I will celebrate twenty years married. But these are just moments and dreams. As I anticipate my 40’s, I’m thankful for what God showed me in my 30’s; that He is always near, always faithful, and always good. And that in the midst of the ashes, He is always at work, creating beauty, and weaving my story into His story and molding my heart to be more like Him. Here’s to another decade of resting on that!

I love the story in Joshua 4 where God told the Israelite tribes to each take a stone as they passed through the Jordan. He told them to place these stones as a reminder so that when their children asked about them, they would remember the way God had been near them. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the way God has provided for us, the way He’s been near us, the way He’s been faithful over and over again. Our hearts are fickle and tend to panic when we find ourselves in yet another painful place even though He has NEVER forsaken us. So I’ve been thinking that maybe we need to start carrying around stones of remembrance. Whether you write them in a journal, or in the notes section of your phone, or maybe even write them on small rocks and keep them displayed in your house; I want to encourage you to start a list of your “stones” so that when your children or friends or family ask about the Hope they see in your life, you can share those moments where God has shown up every time for you. And as we walk through this unusual time, what better way to look back and see His provision woven throughout our story. Maybe some of my stones sound familiar to you too:

The time God calmed my worry over unknown finances

The time God met me in the middle of the night when I was up alone and scared of when “normal” would return

The time God comforted me in the midst of deep loneliness and isolation

The time God reassured me when I was afraid amidst the sickness and death throughout the world

The time God showed me His goodness when I was surrounded by a broken world

The time God proved His faithfulness to me once again by being so near while I was filled with hurt and sadness

The time God gave me hope to cling to through my losses, whether small or big

The time God gave me grace and patience to be the mama I needed to be through the isolation

The time God lifted my weary heart from the fatigue of long days and nights

God has drawn so near to me through this time and I’ve been overwhelmed with His faithfulness. That the God who was steadfast and true to His promises to the Israelites is the same God who is steadfast and true to His promises to me. He is the God of promises never broken, overwhelming grace, deep-welled comfort, unconditional love, and enduring faithfulness. He will show up for us every time. He will be near us always. He is our constant in a constantly changing world and we can look up to Him with hopeful eyes, and hearts overflowing, as we cling to our stones of remembrance and trust in Him always.

**if you would like to be a part of the stones of remembrance challenge, share your pictures of your rocks with the hashtag #LWpromiserocks I can’t wait to read through and be encouraged by His faithfulness in your life!**

Y’all . . . Hope. It’s a crazy thing. The last few days I’ve felt this little stream of hope bubbling up in my heart. Not a big, loud, dance-around-hope; but a quiet, sweet hope that finds itself as a tear escaping my eye ever so often. It’s a weird time to feel hope welling within. It’s been a hard year; not unbearable, but hard with a lot of loss and pain. We got to bring home Isaiah, which was beautiful and crazy, only to hear that he has a serious, incurable heart condition. And as we’ve dug in and worked with doctors, we’ve learned that what he has is one of a kind so they can give us zero idea of what his prognosis might be. So we are walking a daily unknown at the same time we are walking through the daily loss and joy of adoption. Our family in Florida experienced a deep and unexpected loss. We are in a global pandemic full of unknowns, fears, and losses and witnessing people endure sickness and pain alone. I am a big feeler and extrovert on a totally unprecedented quarantine. Everyone is feeling the unknown of finances and expected normalcy returning. It’s just a really weird, hard time. Yet even still . . . This hope.

I wonder if this is how Mary, and the disciples felt on that dark Saturday. There was really no reason to hope. They just witnessed Judah betray Jesus and Jesus be questioned and accused. They just watched their beloved Lord and Teacher be beaten, killed, and buried. They watched many of his friends scatter and deny Him. There was darkness and loss over the land. They had yet to fully understand what Jesus came to do. Yet even still . . . Hope? Perhaps beneath their weary hearts and red eyes, a tiny hope was fighting its way up. What if EVERYTHING He said was true? What would that mean?

And then, Sunday came. Mary Magdalene went to the tomb to find it empty, the Messiah gone. And then turned around to a stranger, only to hear Him call her by name. Mary Magdalene, once deeply troubled and in bondage, witnessing the Risen Messiah. Because even in the midst of her troubled mind, in the midst of the darkness of the land, in the midst of fears and unknowns, in the midst of loss and grief, even still . . . The tomb was empty and Jesus stood before her, the risen Messiah.

And I realized today, that this slowly rising Hope within me, this tentative but tenacious Hope, was clinging to the truth of Easter. That even in the midst of quarantine, in the midst of loneliness and strange days . . . Even still, He rose from the dead. And perhaps even more so these odd, social distancing days, my heart is finding refuge in this. Because He is once again proving His faithfulness, His goodness, His mercy. That even in THIS He is here. Even in my fears, He is here. Even in my anxieties, He is here. Even in my loneliness, He is here. Even in my grief and loss, He is here. And my heart is quietly rejoicing that He has proven Himself again. And it is finding an even sturdier Hope as I witness His nearness in my life over and over again. Hope doesn’t promise to take away the pain. It doesn’t promise to take away the hurt. Or the loneliness. Or the unknowns. But Hope does promise to be near us always. To never leave us. To hold us up on wings like eagles when our hearts are weary. So that even in the face of these hards times, we can look to the Cross and say Even still . . .

The first Palm Sunday was not a practice in social distancing. It was crowded, the streets overflowing with jostling people waving branches high and crying Hosanna, Hosanna to the King! It was full of people, hearts overflowing that the Promised Messiah was among them and the long years of waiting in silence were over. The Israelites knew about loneliness, they knew about isolation, they knew about living through fears and unknowns. When Jesus was born, God had been silent for hundreds of years. No word, no prophets, just desperate hearts clinging to the whispered hope of a Messiah, an Emmanuel who would be always-near. When Jesus came, full of compassion, full of God’s faithfulness to His promises, full of near-ness, the overflowing joy of the Israelites was evident in Palm Sunday as they cried Hosanna! In Hebrew, hosanna means to save or rescue, a savior. And that is what the Bible promises the Messiah is. One who saves us.

And so this year, as we sit alone in our homes, walking through Holy Week as we social distance, we can know this: the One who came to the Israelites- in the midst of their silence, in the midst of their unknowns, in the midst of their isolation- is the same Savior who draws near to us. In the midst of our silence. In the midst of our unknowns. In the midst of our isolation. He hears our whispered Hosannas, our whispered cry to our Savior, and draws near to us, the ever present Emmanuel.

This year, our hosanna might sound a little hollow in our ears and feel a little lonely in our hearts; but to Jesus’ ear, it’s the sound of His people, all over the world, digging in and holding on to the promises of His word. It’s the sound of His people choosing to worship Him where they are instead of where they want to be. It’s the sound of His people keeping steadfast Hope in His goodness in all things. It’s His people choosing to be light in the darkness. And this Palm Sunday, as we sang out our lonely hosannas, as our hearts longed for connection in the midst of fears and unknowns, He was there. In the tears clinging to our lids, in the broken crack of our voices, in the tight hugs as we clung to our immediate families and sang out. Jesus, Emmanuel, always-with-us, draws near to the broken hearted, the lonely, the vulnerable. And we can see that in the midst of the chaos all around us, He remains, as constant and trust worthy as He was when He walked the crowded streets on that first Palm Sunday. And He is with us. Our Savior. Hosanna to the King!

Easter is getting closer and closer and we’ve all realized that we are going to be quarantined for Easter this year-something I never even dreamed of happening!  I’ve been thinking of some ways to create a meaningful Easter celebration with minimal outside shopping, and all within our home.  I thought I’d share some of my ideas in case they’re helpful to you as well. We’re in this together, right?!

*I’m providing Amazon affiliate links for some items I’ve found as well!  I do receive a small commission from these, at no extra cost to you, but I hope they help limit your searching time and are helpful.*  Just click each picture to shop it.
Also, we aren’t doing all of these, but I wanted to give some options!

Good Friday ideas:

Every Christmas Eve, we eat a Shepherd’s Meal (thank you Sally Clarkson!).  It’s a simple, rustic meal that the kids and I conjure up based off what we think the shepherds might have eaten.  Simple homemade breads and soups, nuts, olives, cheeses, and dried fruits are some of the things we’ve done.  This year for Good Friday, we are doing something similar and calling it our Disciple’s Meal 🙂  Since we have extra downtime, we will do a lot more from scratch.  We plan to make it a little more “Spring-y” with variations on our Christmas recipes: maybe a mint pea or roasted cauliflower soup, or maybe a gazpacho.  For breads, a fresh sourdough or herbed focaccia and fresh fruits instead of dried fruits.

We are all going to make collages, pictures, or write words about what Good Friday, Easter and the resurrection means to our lives.  I’m excited to pause and reflect with Adam and the kids; and I always love hearing what’s in their hearts.

To end our Good Friday reflections, we are going to have an Easter movie theater.  We have a projector that we put on our living room wall but you don’t have to have one to have a fun movie night.  Because of the age and emotions of our kids, we will watch one of the Veggie Tales Easter movies but Passion of the Christ and the Greatest Story Ever Told are great options for an older audience.  We put out tons of snuggly blankets, pillows, and twinkle lights.  For our concession stand, I’m making Peeps Popcorn and pretzels with peanuts.  The Peeps popcorn is super simple: melt down Peeps with butter and drizzle over popped popcorn.

Easter ideas:

Easter is one of two times a year that I coordinate the family and get a few photos in front of the photo backdrops at church.  I didn’t want to lose that this year so I bought the kids fun Easter pj’s and Talullah and I are making a homemade photo drop!  We are going to have a blast getting some fun, candid photos of the family 🙂  I’m linking some cute jammies I found- on each link, you’ll have to scroll to find the Easter prints offered.  For the photo backdrop, I’m hanging vertical rolls of the felt ball garland against the wall and putting the Happy Easter sign over those.  It wold be fun to add photo props like Easter glasses or bunny ears too!

We are usually pretty rushed on Easter morning but this year, obviously, will be relaxed.  We decided to do an Easter brunch since we’ve never had the time to do one.  On the menu: creamy grits bar with optional toppings of scallions, bacon, scrambled eggs, different cheeses, heirloom tomatoes, and black olives; scones; and fruit salad. I’m keeping the drinks simple with sparkling juice throughout the day.

Since we are eating a big brunch mid-morning, I’m going to do a Mediterranean food board spread we can nibble on throughout the day.  You can search Pinterest for beautiful inspiration for these.  I like to set my table with mainly earthy components and add some bright splashes of Spring color.  And we always have tons of twinkling candles for any holiday!  I’m linking some tableware options I’m considering below.

Since we will be at our house all day for Easter, we thought it would be fun to write messages and draw pictures on our doors and windows.  We will do some Easter eggs and bunnies but also write phrases like He is Risen, Jesus Loves Us, etc.

I thought it’d be fun to do something really different for our egg hunt this year . . . so we are going to wait until dark and have a Glow in the Dark egg hunt!  I got some Spring colored twinkle lights, Glow in the Dark eggs, and lots of glowing fun stuff  🙂  Instead of filling them with candy,re going to fill them with Quarantine Coupons: an adventure bike ride with dad, a spa day with mom, Family Game Night of your choice, You Choose Dinner . . . I think they are going to be so excited about these activities to fill our days at home.

Below i’m linking some fun basket gift ideas!  We love doing art supplies, books, journals, or outdoor activities and these are some favorites. I’m also linking our favorite Easter books that tell the Real Story.

I hope these ideas inspire you!  As the grown ups, we set the tone and atmosphere for our home.  My prayer is that my kids feel how special and worthy of celebration Christ’s resurrection is.